To be honest, I never thought I would be a wife before finishing my degree. I thought if I actually found the right person to marry that we would wait until after school. Getting married last summer flipped those ideas. God’s plan was for me to be married before I finished my degree. When Luke and I got engaged there were a lot of people who assumed I would just quit school. I told them stubbornly that I came to Bob Jones to get an actual degree, not an Mrs. degree. So here I am, at the end of my junior year of college, about to set up my first semester senior schedule.
Recently I have been getting a lot of questions about how I am able to be a wife and homemaker while also being a full-time college student. I have given it a lot of thought and I decided to write a post about it.
I am a Christian. I have a God who cares for me and helps me balance my responsibilities. Leaning on Him and surrendering my life to Him helps me exponentially. I get encouragement through the reading of Scripture and prayer. God sends me friends who encourage me and give me advice. He has given me a friend at BJU who is doing the same thing as me and we are able to support each other.
Something that gives me strength is that God is the reason I am a wife and the reason I am pursuing a biblical counseling degree. I know that I am serving God daily by going to school and also fulfilling my duties as a wife. There is no way I could be doing this without His support and knowing it is all for His glory.
And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.Colossians 3:23-24 NKJV
A big reason I am able to go to school while being a wife is because of the man I married. He encourages me to continue in school even when I get tired of trying to balance everything. I would not be able to finish my degree without his help. If I did not have such a loving and supportive husband I don’t know what I would do. He is there whenever I get overwhelmed and helps where he can. I love that he is the kind of man that will do chores to help me, like wash the dishes occasionally even though he hates doing them. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful husband.
Things I do to help me balance responsibilities
- I prioritize my responsibilities. The most important things get done first and if there is no time for the less important things then it is okay. When I first became a wife, I struggled a lot in this area. Luke reminded me though that it is okay if the bathroom doesn’t get cleaned once a week or the floors don’t get vacuumed regularly. He told me I needed to focus on getting the most important things done first, like homework. And since then I have been careful to keep my priorities straight. It always makes me sad when I can’t get things done but between homework and my health I have to deal with it. Sometimes I can’t make supper but getting a paper due at 11:59pm that night finished is more of a priority. So we get takeout (God bless the person who invented Chinese takeout).
- I use weekends and breaks to my advantage. Before I was married, I refused to do anything on the weekends other than chill. But now I have to use those days to my advantage. I get more rest on weekends than weekdays but I also get stuff done. Breaks and Saturdays are when I get to catch up on housework. I use them to clean places that don’t get cleaned often because they are low priority. I also like to do some baking which I love but never have time on normal days to do. Using breaks and weekends to get stuff done helps me with prioritizing things throughout the week. I have those days for things I cannot do during a normal week, like vacuuming.
- I make sure I do my devotions. As I said above, spending time with God gives me a lot of encouragement. When I am having a bad health day and am barely even getting my homework done, it is God’s Word that helps me to be okay. Whenever I go longer than a few days without doing my devotions, I always tend to get discouraged a lot more easily. Spending time with God is crucial to a Christian’s spiritual health. Confession: I struggle a lot with doing daily devotions. Before I got saved I had a legalistic view of God and thought if I didn’t read my Bible and pray daily that He would be angry with me and make something bad happen. I now know this is a faulty view of God but the memory of the legalism I practiced still haunts me. I never want to make devotions something I have to do. I want devotions to be something I want to do.
- I keep a positive attitude. The Bible says to do everything without grumbling or complaining because it is a way to show the world Christ (Philippians 2:12-16). This is definitely something everyone struggles with but as a Christian it is my duty to go through life with the attitude God calls for. If I complained about all my responsibilities then it would look like I don’t enjoy serving God as a wife and student, but I do. If I serve God with a negative attitude then does that glorify Him? No! But when I serve God with an positive attitude even when it is hard, people will see that and ask how I can be so joyful even when I am struggling. And then I can point them to Christ who gives me strength.
Being a wife is wonderful. It is one of the most beneficial things I have ever done. It is hard sometimes, especially while being a college student at the same time. But through God’s grace I am able to succeed in this adventure and the many more adventures to come.