Looking Forward

Sometimes I look back in my life and marvel at how far God has brought me since I gave my life to Him almost two years ago. Two years ago I was at the darkest part of my life. I was either in emotional pain or numb. I was cutting or burning myself almost every day. I was suicidal. I was lost and hurting and far from God. I had grown up in a Christian home but the Gospel was never true in my life. I trusted in a prayer prayed when I was six to get me to heaven. I wanted God to come near to me and stop my pain but I didn’t know how to find Him. I thought I had lost Him. But in reality, even though I was far from Him, He WAS near me. He was orchestrating my life and the pain I was going through to bring me to kneel at His feet.

My journey to healing started when a friend of mine at the time straight up asked me if I was self harming. I don’t like to lie to people so I told her the truth, that I was. From that point on, for about two months, she texted me every day to encourage me. She helped me find coping mechanisms that were not harmful. She poured time and love into me and I ended up quitting self harm a couple weeks after I graduated from high-school. God used her to help me take that step towards finding Him. She continued to talk with me through camp, which we attended together that summer.

The last night of the last week of camp the gospel was presented in a way that I had never heard before. I don’t remember who the speaker was. I don’t even remember what all he said. All I know is it moved me to tears and going to my knees. I surrendered my life to the Lord that night. I found the peace I had been searching for that night. I was saved that night and began my journey as a Christian.

I came to Bob Jones University at the end of the summer which set the stage for my growth in Christ. I’m still a young Christian and am reminded of that daily when I realize how spiritually immature I can be. But God loves me and guides me through those moments of immaturity to maturity. I have grown radically in the past almost two years. And I have God to thank for it because I am so glad I am not the girl I was.

Today I am happily dating the most amazing man in the world who every day pushes me towards Christ. Today I take every opportunity to serve God and others. Today I still struggle with old toxic desires but I overcome them through the strength God gives me. Today I am a completely different person than I was two years ago. Today, on my 20th birthday, I look back and see how far I have come through the grace of God. And I smile.

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